Swaminarayan community, religious practices 18th April, 2004. sound Sound Cassette English Abhijeet Joshi Oral Interview Interview 048 Kokila Chandrana Female

Import-Export Business, Red Cross member EN English I would just like to start of the interview with just a little bit of your family's background, if you could tell me where your parents are from? My father is from India, was from India and my mom from Africa. Do you know the areas that they were from? Yeah, Mombasa. My mom is from Mombasa and my dad's elder brother he was settled in Africa so when my father became a Chartered Accountant he asked him to come to Africa and my father came to Africa and then, then he got married to my mom. My mom was, she was from Mombasa and when my mom got married she was only sixteen years old and my dad was nearly thirty. So and my mom had first of when she was seventeen she had one child and then she had eighteen she had another one and nineteen she had another one every year. So my mom was not well and she was in the hospital. And the doctor says that can you, she can't make up, cope up with three children so family has to help to look after the children. So my elder sister went to my uncle's house and I went to my mom's, mom's house. To be looked after we had mummy in the hospital and after it took nearly six months and when my mom came from the hospital I was more towards my like to stay with my grandma, though I was only two years old. But still I was more happy there and my mother couldn't cope so my grandma says, 'can take her back, once you are okay then I'll bring her back'. So she says, 'mom okay take her.' And by that time I was nearly five going and coming, going and coming because I was not happy there and mom cannot cope with a joint family and all that. So after that we, I said I am not going then they decided okay you stay with your grandma. So I was brought up with my grandma, my mom's mother. She was widow and mom's brother was young only 14-15 years old so we three were staying together. Not very, very well to do family but we can manage. So they were not Swaminarayan my mom's mom. Who were they, who were they followers of? They were Sanatani's. Okay. Believing all the Gods and Goddesses. So because I was with them I used to believe in, in everyone. But now and then when there is something for Swaminarayan my father says, 'you have to come there, you are young' so I say I will come there but nothing in mind or nothing in heart just going, going that's it. And then when I got married again those, family is again, believing in Krishna's. So it didn't matter me much because I was more. Sanatani. Okay so tell me when you got married? So my in-laws they were believing in Krishna and I brought up in my grandma's family, they were also believing in Krishna, so it didn't matter much and then it even but they were only very strict me not going to Swaminarayan temple or when Swami comes and my father rings and they says Swami is here let Kokila come for, for Baba's Darshan and all that and they, on the phone they says, yeah, yeah okay we'll send her and then afterwards they tell me don't bother to go if don't want to go, don't want you to go and. So was it difficult for you then that kind of being called or? Yeah, it was, it was to me at that time that all are God why no. Because Krishna, Ram, Swaminarayan they all are one but it's not me going once or twice there, I'm not going to become Swaminarayan, they should never stop me but in those days, in those days no, husband says no that's it. You can't do anything, you can't argue or anything. So I said okay fine. My father was not very happy, yeah and he told me that you should put your foot down and you should tell them that when your Sant, devotees are coming I'm coming with you so when my fathers devotees will come I will go. And that doesn't mean that I am going to become Swaminarayan but he should let me go. So I said no, I don't want problem in the family and then we came here, in this country and after few years my husband died in a heart attack. And I started staying separate and my in-laws they are very, in that way they are very, after that they never bothered me anything. They say you do what you like. Was all this in Mombasa? Yeah. Yeah. So do what you like. And I just said that I am living alone on my own. And I started coming to Swaminarayan temple and my mother in-law never, never said anything she says, I am glad at least you take on one path. Whichever suited you more, where you are more happy and that's it. So I was, all my life I have stayed separate and I've come to now. When, when did you move to the U.K.? 1972. Okay. Why did you decide to come here? No, we have a business; we decided to have a business here in this country. Okay. What, what business? So branch, we have to, we wanted to have a branch import-export. All right. So what was it like for you to move, had you been to the U.K. before that or? No. What was it like for you then coming here? Like a stranger. Because these English people. So yeah, when you moved to the U.K., what was the feel? Yeah because the, because at that time we didn't have many people here because these people from Uganda came after us and these people you know, English people they thought that all Indians are Pakistani so whenever we just passed by they used to call us pakis, pakis go back to your country, go to your and then I used to say return back and say 'look I am not Paki, I'm Indian' and they says 'what is Indian' because they didn't know what is Indian at that time. When I say, I come from Africa. But my husband doesn't like it he says don't say such things you know you are creating a problem for yourself. So I said okay fine I won't say anything. But you know three four years time he died and on my own and then I decided that I have to take firm decision what I want to do for my life. Do I want to stay alone, single, or do I want to remarry or anything but then I said no nothing happening. I'm more happy, I'll be more happy staying single and be more independent that I will do what I want to do because at that time right from the I was a childhood, I was between two families mom and grandma, mom and grandma when I got married then grandma, mom and my in-laws, it's a triangle so everybody pulling me. So I said no, nothing happening. Enough! Enough, I want to live my own life. So did you work then or did you? I didn't work when he was alive because he never wanted me to work because he was well to do. And after that yes I started working. Okay. And how then did you go about just establishing yourself in, in this, in this country? I found it very difficult in the beginning but I was very firm because I was so very young only thirty-two years old. And I shouldn't say but people used to tell me that I was very beautiful and to stay in this country on your own with that young age you will have to be very, very strong because everybody otherwise comes near to you and you can be ruined. But thank to God, I managed. Everything's was okay. No boyfriend no, nothing. I didn't do anything wrong. What about then the religious practices just over the years, I mean you've always you've, you've mentioned that there's been this pulling between two, so how, how was that changed then you know kind of today then how was that? Because at that time we, we didn't have these Mandir you know. We had Mandir in Islington so I used to go only on Sundays. But not getting too much involved and all that; just go for the prayers and come back in two-three hours. But when they moved the temple here then I gradually got involved and I am Red Cross member since I was eighteen years old. Okay. So I got involved with the Medical group here we have. So every time we have a function I used to call the Red Cross to give us some help here, first aid help. And then I got involved with the, and I used to help in the kitchen and all that. But lately I have come out of the kitchen and I am still with the medical group but more on the, looking after the disabled people mostly those who are in the wheel chairs. You organize all that? All the ladies in the wheel chair, I look after them to make sure that they are comfortable, if their bags are to be changed, I go and change their bags. They have to take any medicine I take them out and give their medicine. If they want to go to the loo I take them. Then I take when the, and everything and when the prayers finish I take for a dinner, make sure they have, feed properly and then hand over to their family. What about the actual your own inner, like inner beliefs that you follow? Inner belief is just what I have noticed that what peace I have got now I never had in my life because all the time I was just everybody was trying to, mom said do this and grand ma said do this and my in-laws said do this. Then when I take this path and then when everybody says, 'oh! we are very happy that you have chosen a one path that you don't have involve with any other is your work your temple and your home.' Only these three things is more important to you I say, yes and since I've got Mandir and which is very near to my house I don't need any thing. And I never feel lonely, never feel lonely and I've got so much strength. That I don't miss anything in my life, no husband, no children I don't miss anything. Just then. Because he has given me so much power that he is always within me. If I am depressed or something like that I just stand near him with his, we have our little temple in my home. I just stay there and says, what is this, why this is happening, what is so right if you are happy I am happy and that's it and within day or two everything vanish. I just want to ask to keep it short I just want to ask you just a couple of questions. Somebody was to ask you who are you? How, how would you identify yourself because you lived in Africa for so long, you lived in U.K. for so long you know you got in different religious backgrounds but you are obviously very connected now with this Swaminarayan community but how? I don't have any other community, my, my community now is. If they say which community you belong to I say I belong to Swaminarayan community. And then what about nationality wise as well what would you say? You see what I mean kind of? Yeah, still if I'm say, I am a Swaminarayan but still I am Indian. Isn't it? Indian yeah, okay. And where do you see as home? Home? Yeah. Now since I have lived more my life in this country than the other part of the world, this is my home. Okay. And finally then do you have any final message or final thoughts to give it to people who will be listening to this in the future? Yeah, I say that everybody should make their own decision as long as they are not crossing their borders and they all should have faith and trust on God. They should know that you don't see God but He is there. He is the one who is telling you what to do and just ask him 'Oh! I'm confused, I don't know what to do, can you help me?' Just say that and he's there in front of you and he will tell you, he will come within yourself and he will start doing everything and you will never notice that how this has happened which I thought that is not going to happen and you will be surprised all your work is done, all your problems are sorted out. You see, because it is out, it's my personal experience. I don't take anybody's help, I don't take anybody's advice my problems I just go and speak to Swami and Maharaja that this is my problem can you solve it. I never write letter to Santos or Swami that this is my problem can you solve, no, I just pray, stand in front of him up in the temple and I just say look this is my problem, can you please help me to solve and my problem is solved. He has never let me down and I will not let him down by doing any thing wrong because he has looked after me and then now it's my duty to make him happy. Thank you very much, thank you. Okay.